I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
