I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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