so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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