he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
