I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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