I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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