masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
