literally had 100 drinks last night.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
