Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
