what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?