Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
