Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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