I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
