i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
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I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
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New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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