im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
