is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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