So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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