its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
