so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i wish my penis had a tongue
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
