someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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