I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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