so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
