Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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