Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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