Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
