It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
