she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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