So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
