I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Still dying that you shit outside
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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