Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
