Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
