I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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