I cut my penus on the lid.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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