please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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