there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
