they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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