somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
