we made out on top of his cat.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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