he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
