I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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