the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We need to rekindle our bromance
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
