Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
