If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
why do cheetos always look like penises
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
