can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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