he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
