You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
