he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
