A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
