If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
