I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
