your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Randomize
