i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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