But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
