In the future we'll all be gay
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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