friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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