idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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