I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
