3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
