My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just tell him i said nine months
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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