life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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