wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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