so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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