she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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