My friends, they love my intelligence
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
