yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
