You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
