yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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