I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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