I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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