so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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